Friday, August 31, 2012

38 Days Post-op - But you look so good...

Well I missed my 5 week update that I should have posted on Tuesday! I know a few of you are relying on my updates since you're either coming up to your surgery dates, or you're recovering just behind me.

The biggest issue I'm having is my inability to sit due to horrible low back pain (going on 2 weeks now!). In fact, I started typing this the other day and just couldn't do it. I've been feeling really down (hence the absence) and have officially reached my breaking point due to an array of things. A good chunk of it is the back pain (going on 2 weeks now). The other part is the general feeling of frustration. Everything takes longer...I can't drive....I rely on other people....I'm lonely...I'm life is on other hip needs to be done and the thought of it makes me sick....blah blah...whine whine....blah blah....

I try telling myself to look on the bright side, your issues aren't terminal...there are many people who wish they had your problems...keep're strong and you've got this...the light is near, even though you can't quite see it and a whole lot of other inspirational bull sh$%. Instead what I really hear is this sucks...why me????...when am I going to catch a break????...I am so sick of this....waaah...wahhh...cryyyy!

But....that was yesterday (okay...and pretty much all of the last two weeks...but who's counting??)....I AM FIGHTING BACK. Pity can SUCK IT. My back still hurts....but I got some new medication and some new topical pain relief ointment! I am going to push my sister would say...keep calm and carry on!

I saw the surgeon on Wednesday for a followup. I went armed with a list of questions (I've also added my answers to this list).

I can move from toe touch weight bearing to partial, gradually putting more weight on it reaching 100% over the next 2-3 weeks. After I reach full weight bearing on 2 crutches, and feel comfortable, I can start weaning off of them. The total transition will be about 5-6 weeks.I was told absolutely NO abduction for at least another 5 weeks (next apt) where he'll do another assessment.

Unfortunatley, I was also told no driving for another 5 weeks. This is really frustrating since I'm relying on friends to get me to physio. I have some amazing friends who are more than happy to help me....all I have to do is ask. I would do the same for them in a heart beat....but it's really hard to ask. I don't want anyone to think I am taking advantage of them! I'm normally a very independent person, so having to now rely on others is a difficult thing to accept.

Regarding the SI pain...he said it's normal to experience this. Probably due to gait, crutches, surgery etc. I've met some wonderful people online who have gone through the same surgery...they too have gone through this. So...I am not worried there is something wrong...just living with the recovery. He prescribed me Naproxen for the pain. I told him I doubted it would work since I've already tried taking over the counter Naproxen (3 tablets at once). He said to try it anyway....when I asked him what could I try if this didn't work...he suggested Toradol. I also asked him about the painful catching and he believes it's most likely scar tissue. He said to keep going with my physio and to keep the joint as active as possible.

Anyway, my husband offered to drop of the Naproxen script at the pharmacy. Perfect....sounds great! Well guess what? HE LOST IT! Yes...he lost the paper prescription somewhere between home and the drug store. Yes...this made me cry. He felt horrible and I had to mentally remind myself he didn't do this on purpose..."He didn't mean to....F YOU....he didn't mean to....F YOU" LOL

Desperate for relief, I called my family doctor to book an appointment yesterday. All I had left was 2 Percocets and spent the better part of yesterday crying due to this pain (I  honestly can't describe how bad it is...I have a high pain tolerance. The surgery pain was a walk in the park compared to takes a lot of pain to make me cry). So the phone rings,  request an appointment only to hear "Sorry she is away on vacation this week and is booked solid for next week. The soonest I can get you in is September 12." WHAT?!? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!? This actually caused me to burst into tears (again). She said not to worry, the walk-in clinic is open till 9pm tonight. I briefly explained my issue and asked her what the chances would be of me getting something for pain from a walk-in clinic. She reassured me they could help.

I forced myself to go to physio (and yes...I cried there too while trying to explain to him my current physical state) and then my husband was bringing me to the clinic. We went there and the doctor was wonderful. He checked my file (walk-in clinic at my family doctors office) and could clearly see that I have no history of pain medication fact I don't even normally take NSAIDs, and that I also was in fact telling the truth about my surgery. (I was fully prepared to pull my pants down and show him the incision! LOL) I requested Toradol and showed him the bottle that was given to me by my family doctor 3.5 weeks ago (40 Percocet tablets). I still had two left so clearly if I was a druggie those would have been long gone. He said I can obviously see you're in pain (I looked like a mess)...I will give you 40 of both Percocet and Toradol. The Toradol is actually helping a takes the edge off and I can actually function. I feel happier today due to the lower levels of pain, and as you can see I was physically able to write a post!

Regarding physio....they're focusing on my core and ROM. So I am diligently doing my exercises and I've also explicitly advised them on my restrictions and they're committed to following them with care. So...that's a bonus....I do love my physio....he makes it enjoyable and I trust him (he rehabbed me post-op after my scope and pre-op before my open). He has also recommended I see the naturopath who works there...she will be able to assist me with scar tissue, pain and overall well being. I am looking forward to my consult with her. He also suggested this new topical pain ointment called MuscleCare Maximum Strength Pain Relief. It's for strains, sprains, inflammation, pain etc. So far I like it...although I haven't decided if I like it more than BioFreeze.

So...I really hope that things continue to progress and that I can give everyone positive updates!

Something I wanted to vent about was how tired I am to hear people say, "Oh really? Hard to believe you're having such a hard time. You look so good..." What the F is that supposed to mean? I feel like people are suggesting I am "faking it". I went out on Wednesday night for about one hour for my friends birthday party and heard that about 10 times. I showered, tried to dress semi-nice since it was a classier restaurant and actually put makeup on for the first time.

I literally lasted long enough for a drink....I ordered my food and had the waitress pack it up...I had to go home. While there, friends and a few co-workers asked how I was feeling. I try to be semi positive and say things like, "Oh well...I am going along. Definitely some ups and downs, but I am managing." No one want to hear the truth. Maybe I should say this.... "I feel depressed, I have overwhelming amounts of pain that makes me cry and I'm miserable. I feel like my life is over at times. I have mentally pictured myself crutching into traffic. What's stopping me, is the fact that I am sure I'd survive and end up with worse problems than I have now." LOL Anyway...enough said. I know people are trying to be helpful or nice...but for those of us who have to deal with this crap, don't really want to hear that. When I hear things like that I feel like I owe an explanation about the way I look.

There is this site I came across about invisible illnesses. They have an article called “You Look So Good!” 55 Ways You Say You Respond When Ill"

I've decided to use the following statements the next time I hear that:

3. Drugs are a wonderful thing
16. Powder and paint, make you what you ain’t!
20. And you look so wise. Looks can be deceiving though, huh?
27. I’m not complaining about my looks.
23. Thank you. I’m on my way to the Oscars.

LOL :)

I should note that other than the catching, my hip is feeling pretty good. There is really no pain even while putting weight on it! It feels very weak...almost like cooked spaghetti! Still have no idea if this surgery worked...but time will tell.

Anyway...thanks for reading my ramblings. Here is an updated photo of my incision (finally)! As you can see it's healing up nicely. Still some scabbing at the bottom where it opened up.

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